Monday, May 4, 2009

so, you wanna be on t.v.?

Well, Daisy of Love has started on VH1 and I got hooked, (sigh). For those that don't remember Daisy, the chick that looks like the real life version of Janice from the Dr. Teeth Band, finished runner up on Rock of Love with Bret Michaels a couple seasons ago. Now she is back with her own show. It's the same format except this time it's a bunch of dudes trying to end up with Daisy.

Here's the deal, anyone who's anyone knows that this show is going to go on at least one more season, so for my male friends out there I have created a guide on how to dress for this show.

1. Dye you hair jet black and faux-hawk it
2. Wear a lot of eyeliner
3. piercings, specifically the stud above the lip and below the nose. You want the viewer to constantly think you have a shiny booger on your face.
4. Tats. A couple sleeves worth. Don't forget to put musical notes on there somewhere because music is undoubtedly your first love. Also a few Chinese symbols and a couple barbwires around the arms. You should also have something across your neck that is hard to read until the fifth episode when the viewer realizes that your neck tat says "livin life".
5. A $200 shirt that says "Punk Rock" because everyone knows you aren't punk rock unless you buy an expensive shirt that says so. That is actually my favorite Minutemen song. I think the lyrics go, "Me and Mike Watt just bought some expensive Punk Rock shirts."
6. A studded belt that serves no purpose because...
7. ... the pants you'll be wearing are so tight, no belt is necessary.
8. Black bandana in the back pocket.
9. An impractical biker chain for your wallet.
10. Big ass skater shoes in a bright color.
11. Drink a lot of beer and yell out "Whooooo!" as much as possible. If you can somersault into a pool, that will also be beneficial for you. Oh, and have a tragic story, like your favorite parent died of some terminal illness. This will show Daisy that you have a soft side beneath your gruff "punk rock" exterior.